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Last weekend the Hot Octopuss team chatted about sex world records. Could they potentially beat the competition? The good news is yes — there are. And more bad news: if you want to be a record breaker, you might need a hell of a lot of training. So do your stretches, warm up properly, and see how you might fair with any of these…. The ejaculation distance world record is actually a thing. The current record holder for the longest time is Masanobu Sato.

According to urban legend and a confusing amount of Yahoo! Answers, an American man named Horst Schultz once set the record for furthest-reaching ejaculate with a load he projected 18 feet and 9 inches away. Was it real, or was all just a long-distance wet dream? They finished fucktons of puzzles , plated meals in the spirit of Michelin-starred chefs and reinvigorated the snail mail industry through pen pal-ing.

At some point in the 20th century it became very important to hold a world record. Whether it was for something interesting, like running fast, eating the most pizza what a dream! Just as long as a world record was set.